Loss of Identity
by just-call-me-Elphie
Summary: The Wicked characters seem to be losing sight of who they really are.
1. Chapter 1

Loss of Identity

Summary: Can the Wicked characters recognize themselves anymore? These mostly happen just before Nessa's death, then keep going into the rest of the play.

Chapter 1: Nessarose

I wanted to put a table of contents for all of you out there, so here-

Chapter 1: Nessarose

Chapter 2: Boq

Chapter 3: Glinda

Chapter 4: Madame Morrible

Chapter 5: The Wizard

Chapter 6: Elphaba

Chapter 7: Fiyero

Chapter 8: Dorothy

Chapter 9: The Wicked Witch

Chapter 10: Glinda the Good

Chapter 11: Madame Morrible

Chapter 12: The Scarecrow

Chapter 13: The Wizard

Chapter 14: The Tinman

Chapter 15: The Wicked Witch

Chapter 16: Dorothy

Chapter 17: Glinda

Chapter 18: The Scarecrow

Chapter 19: Madame Morrible

Chapter 20: The Wizard

Chapter 21: Dorothy

Chapter 22: Elphaba

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Nessa is chasing Boq, running straight towards the field where she will die.

The girl stumbled after her tinman, still wildly in love with him even though her sister had made him a monster. She faintly saw her glinted red shoes in the dark, and even though she could walk she still cursed her. Elphaba! It was _her_ fault she even needed these shoes, _her_ fault that Boq hated her, _her_ fault that he loved Glinda instead of her! She didn't even bother trying to fit together how it was all Elphaba's fault, she just knew it was. Her accursed green sister with her strange abilities and sullen attitude. It was Elphaba's fault she wasn't able to walk in the first place! That was the one fault that came from Elphaba that Nessarose would never forgive her for.

But, even as she stumbled through that forest, she couldn't help but wonder. Who was she now? She was called the Wicked Witch of the East, governess of the Munchkins. Her hard face, silvery jeweled shoes and stiff chair had been all she was. Her entire identity. Now, as she tripped and fell in the forest, she knew she had none of that. Her face was wild with fright instead of hard with want, her shoes were scarlet rubies instead of silver jewels, and she had no more need of that accursed chair with her working legs. She pushed herself out of the mud and stared into a puddle, her disheveled face and muddied appearance. She stood and stared into the sky, dirt sliding off her. Her shoes still shown in the dark, but Nessa didn't notice, nor care. She was a Wicked Witch, just like her sister. Watching the last of the mud fall from the blood colored shoes she realized-

she liked it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Boq

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Boq is running from Nessa, then stops in the woods where Dorothy will later un-rust him.

Even as the strange figure clanked through the forest it could hear Nessa chasing it. The tinman stared at the sky as it darkened. That was all he needed, rain. As it began to fall he heard it plinking against his hollow body, bouncing off of his metal face. He stared at the sky as it rained mercilessly and slung the axe he had picked up over his shoulder. Then, even as Nessa came running past his hiding place, he discovered he could no longer move. He was a frozen tin statue in the middle of the woods.

He listened to Nessa as her voice slowly faded into the howling wind and rolled his eyes to catch a glimpse of where he was. He was near a small house in the woods. Rolling his eyes up, a sob almost escaped his lips, and it would have if they had not been frozen shut. What was he? A metal monster. How could Glinda ever love him now? Glinda! Who cares about frilly, snobby Glinda?! His eyes betrayed no emotion and he realized, he had none. Was he a monster? Doomed to be trapped by his rusting tin body in these woods-

forever?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Glinda

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Glinda in wondering why she suggested using Nessa to catch Elphaba, and trying on dresses for the confrontation with Elphaba after Nessa's death.

The frilly princess posed in front of her mirror, admiring herself in the brand new pink dress. Raising her typically overdone wand so that the end rested against her collarbone, she rested her chin on the tip and stared at her face. It was something she had not dared look at for such a long time. She knew she had to make it look pretty and happy for her Ozians, but she still couldn't bear to look at herself. What had she become? A hard shell of a woman who had mercilessly suggested using Nessarose, her best friend's sister, as bait to catch this- _Wicked Witch_.

Glinda swept the wand down, holding her head up and observing the regal tilt of her head. She looked beautiful, as she always had. But who was she? Who was this- _Good Witch_? Good? What comparison did Good have to Wicked? Wicked was such an extreme, but _good_ . . . Good was a word used on pets and things far from it. Naughty children are called good if they do the smallest act of obedience. _Then I __am__ good_, she thought. _I'm just the pet of Morrible and the Wizard. They call me good, because I have been their good little pet_. As she stared at herself she realized, Elphaba had once again received the extreme, the recognition, and Glinda had simply received the lukewarm title. Elphaba was the great threat, and was the terror of all of Oz. Glinda was someone trying to fight her, the Good Witch against the Wicked one. Fighting, but never winning. Glinda sighed and fitted a tiara into her hair.

She never could beat Elphaba at anything.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Madame Morrible

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Morrible is getting herself ready to catch Elphaba, but begins recognizing all of her flaws.

The old woman fluffed at her hair, grinning wickedly at herself in the mirror. There, she looked better. The thick layers of make-up and unneeded jewels would certainly draw anyone's attention away from her face, twisted by lust for revenge and simple evil. _But nothing is simple anymore_, she thought. She started and reached up to lay her fingertips across her cheek. She had never noticed the deep lines carved into the skin, lines not formed by age, but hate. Simple hate. _But nothing is simple anymore_. True, nothing was simple since that green brat had flown off. She shrugged and stood, distractedly noticing the way she had to force her shoulders to not stoop, and her back to not hump. _Nobody will notice_! she told herself fiercely. _Ah, but Elphaba would notice_.

Morrible shook herself. She didn't matter! That green- _Witch_ didn't matter! She would be captured and killed before the day was over. She watched that storm growing outside of her window, chortling madly. Nessarose would soon be dead, and she would have Elphaba- _the Witch_, she reminded herself. She would have the Witch in her grasp. She looked back at the mirror. Her identity had changed so many times she no longer knew who Madame Morrible really was. Besides, she didn't care. As long as she got what she wanted, nobody would notice that Morrible had no set identity. Nobody would care.

_Nobody but Elphaba_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: The Wizard

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. The Wizard is pondering why he needs his head-like contraption, and wishing he could be more like Elphaba.

He sat in front of his giant head, not wanting to even glance at it. He hated the giant thing. It reminded him of _her_, the girl who rattled him so. Even though the face was golden instead of green he still hated it. He felt masked behind the ridiculous machine. Sometimes he wanted nothing more than to stand before his people, the Ozians, in his human form. They wouldn't adore him any less. Would they? He shook his head and realized, _they would_! The Ozians expected something as brilliant as a great golden head to be commanding them, not an undersized man the size of a stunted Winkie.

He turned, just to catch a glance of it. He and that- that _Witch_ were so alike. Except, her face was real. The green was true green instead of gold paint covering a lead head. What was that- _thing_ that held him back from his people? He stood and stared at it. Elphaba's mask was her true identity. She didn't hide herself behind green skin or black cloaks, they became her. But he, the wizard! He had to hide behind a great golden head to make him feel like he was worth anything. As he stared at that head, he wished that on that day when he had tried to get Elphaba to join him, he would have joined her.

He would have finally been something real.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Elphaba

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Elphaba is on her way to save her sister, but stops to look at herself in a puddle formed by the rain that had just stopped. She figures it's safe enough to take off on her broom, but hesitates for a moment.

She looked into a pool of water, swirling it with the tip of a whippy little twig. A green face stared back at her, blank, emotionless, but frightened. Frightened for the vision of her sister she had had. The girl sighed and withdrew, staring at her fingertips. The delicate green fingertips which she had spent to many hours casting spells with. She felt lost, trapped within this body she had always despised. She didn't feel like she hated it anymore though, she felt trapped and tired. Like she was finally giving up, and deciding to resign within this hideous body she was cursed with. She turned back to the water, staring at the green face. It wasn't frightened anymore, but angry. Who was this _Wicked Witch_? Was she Elphaba, or was she someone completely different? A hellish cry of frustration came from the girl's throat as she struck at the water pooled in the little basin.

She quickly shook her hand, gritting her teeth with pain as the acidic water burned at her flesh. She smeared goopy green flesh and water across her dress as her hand dissolved and dashed deeper into the forest. Staring at her melted hand, she understood. This hand used to be Elphaba, but just like her personality it was melting away, leaving behind a scarred and twisted resemblance of what she had once been. As she climbed onto her broom, she realized that for the second time that night-

_she felt wicked_.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Fiyero

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Fiyero feels like a fool for letting Elphaba leave without him, and is going to get her.

He sat in the forest, trying to keep what was left of _her_ warmth trapped in his arms as he hugged himself. As the last memory of her became more like a dream he lowered his hands and stared at them. He felt lost, as though he no longer belonged in this body. Something felt as though the skin glued to his bones was the only thing keeping him from exploding and forming into something completely different. He stood up, his eyes still closed.

Elphaba! Fiyero shook his head. He was so stupid! He should have insisted going with her of course. He was so _brainless_! That was it, he didn't deserve this body. Like Elphaba didn't deserve her skin- her verdigris. He deserved something as stupid and unreliable as he felt, and she deserved something as beautiful and strong as he knew she was. As he stumbled past a field he noticed a scarecrow hanging limply on a post, it's sad body swaying and being buffeted by the wind. Fiyero grinned. That was what he should be. A flimsy and unreliable scarecrow hanging on a stake. That would suit him better. He laughed aloud. It would fit him perfectly!

Wouldn't it?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Dorothy

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Dorothy has just received the shoes, but has not met Fiyero yet. She is wondering if, by taking Nessa's shoes, she has become wicked herself.

The little girl stepped out on the yellow brick road in her new shoes. They were hard and uncomfortable, but pretty. She stopped and looked down at them, posing on the brick road to let the sun glimmer in them. Then she was struck by something. She was wearing the shoes of someone she had killed! She leapt back, pressing herself against a post and staring at her feet in horror. Two words leapt, unbidden, into her mind. _War trophies_. A trembling moan escaped her lips and she sank to the ground, staring at the uncomfortable shoes.

Dorothy kicked her shoes against the brick road in an effort to free herself from them, but they would not come off! She snatched at them, tearing at them until one of her fingernails broke, but they would not come off. Was she to be trapped with her sin forever? Was she going to be always reminded of what she had done? As the little girl sucked on her bleeding finger she glared at the shoes, tears beading in her eyes. She had seen that green woman, screaming at her. Was she going to turn out like her?

Was she going to be- _wicked_?


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: The Wicked Witch

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Elphaba is mourning her sister, and wondering if she could ever do anything right.

She stood before the broken house and her sister's shriveled feet. Her throat already ached from her mad laughter and screaming, but her heart was aching like never before. She knelt before the house, not caring that Glinda could see, and whispered, "Nessa, please- please forgive me!" Glinda put a hand on her shoulder and tried to comfort her, but she leapt up and smacked her away. After some cutting remarks they circled each other, ready to fight, but paused.

Elphaba embraced that pause. She didn't want to fight Glinda. This woman, she had been her friend once. Is this what they had both come to? Both extremes of good and evil, facing each other in a massive field with the rotting body of an innocent girl nearby. First there was evil Elphaba, with her green face and ragged black costume. Then there was glowing Glinda, with her perfect blonde curls and flashing wand that could produce nothing but oversized bubbles. Both were heroes, but both were failures. _That's what I am_, Elphaba thought, her dark eyes flashing.

_I'm just a failure._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Glinda the Good

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Glinda is fighting Elphaba, but also wondering why they are fighting.

She stared down the tip of her nose at the disgusting green girl, full of self righteous anger. She hated her- _loathed_ her! She twirled her wand in an effort to impress Elphaba, but the girl only regarded her with disdainful amusement. She stopped and stared at her ex-friend. She had never been able to impress or frighten Elphaba- _Elphie_- ever before. Elphie . . . The nickname was so familiar, yet so alien.

Then to Glinda's shame, she found herself attacking first. Elphaba leapt into battle as well, striking broom against wand. Then the instruments were thrown aside and the two were kicking and biting and spitting at each other. Even as Glinda seized Elphaba's hat and pulled at her dark hair, she knew it wasn't what she wanted. She wanted her and Elphie to be friends. In the midst of the battle she cried out, "Elphie-!" but the green girl's flailing hand silenced her by hitting her mouth directly. Glinda, eyes flashing, struck back. Elphaba! She had always been superior, always the one to shut her up with a piercing glare or cutting remark.

This time she had been silenced, once again, by a slap to the face.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Madame Morrible

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Morrible is stopping the fight and wishing Elphaba would demean herself at least a little.

She stalked into the field, regarding the two tussling girls on the ground with disregard. She picked up Elphaba's broom, and signaled for the guards to pull them apart. She listened to Glinda's wild protests, then noticed Elphaba's quiet struggling. Elphaba, always the quiet one. Even now as she fought to be free she was silent. The old woman flushed with anger, wishing Elphaba would shout, scream, anything! She had been noisy enough earlier, why not now?

_Because she won't give you the satisfaction_, the voice in Morrible's head whispered. The strong desire to break the broom over her knee seized Madame Morrible, but she resisted. Beside, it would be demeaning. Raising one's leg and snapping a broomstick over it? That was beneath her. But then-

was anything beneath her anymore?


	12. Chapter 12

12: The Scarecrow

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Fiyero is trying to stop Morrible from hurting Elphaba, but only gets staked up in a field for his trouble.

He raced into the field, his heart pounding and breathing heavily. Before he thought about it he shouted out, "let the green girl go!" He nearly melted at the sight of Elphaba's face. So stupid! He raised the gun again and pointed it at Glinda, menacing her with it. Gods, what had he become? This was the girl he had once loved, had once kissed, and he was threatening to blow her head off. Glinda signaled to let Elphaba go, but he stayed behind. As Elphaba ran off, looking back at him in fright, he realized how stupid that had been. _Can I do anything right_?

Fiyero was suddenly seized by the guards and dragged deeper into the field, Glinda pleading for him desperately, and he fought against them, but neither could stop them from tying him to the stake and propping him up in the field. "Let's have some fun," a cruel one said, picking up a hammer and some nails. Fiyero gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, wishing he couldn't feel the thudding of the hammer driving the nail through the wood and into his flesh. "Elphaba!" he cried out in agony, driving his head back against the wooden stake.

"Save me . . ."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: The Wizard

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. The Wizard is wishing he had done things differently.

He took a sip out of his emerald bottle, watching the Ozians go about their normal way of life. They would greet each other cordially, talk a bit, then continue along their way. It was always the same. Just like the continuous color screen before their eyes. In fact, with those green glasses on, they couldn't have even been able to tell that Elphaba had been green. They hadn't noticed at all. If he hadn't have made her hurt those monkeys . . .

The Wizard turned from the window, throwing the bottle against the wall in frustration. Why couldn't he have just let her be? He could have enrolled her, listened to her, let her do what even he knew what was right! But no, he was so set on making Oz love him more that he ruined her, ruined himself! He was thinking now, more than ever. Wishing too. He wished for so many things, but more than anything he wished he hadn't had that affair with that girl-

Melena.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: The Tinman

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Boq is discovered by Dorothy.

He stood exactly where he had stopped days ago, stuck in the woods thanks to the accursed tin body that Witch had given him. He strained again, as hard as her could, but he couldn't move. He had tried so many times, but kept failing.

A crashing in the woods next to him made Boq roll his eyes wildly. A girl and a scarecrow stumbled into his clearing, exclaiming in delighted discovery. He made an effort to talk like never before, and managed to get out, "mmoil mmme!" The scarecrow interpreted, and soon the tinman was free. When the little girl asked him his name, he simply smiled emotionlessly and said he was a tin woodsman. In the back of his still-rusty mind he realized that Boq was gone forever. Boq was somewhere inside of this metal shell, but the tin woodsman had taken over for good, and nothing would bring Boq back.

Not even Glinda.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: The Wicked Witch

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Elphaba is watching Dorothy, the scarecrow and Boq from atop the cottage in the woods.

She stood on top of the house, watching with disdain. She knew who that rotting chunk of metal was. He was no tin woodsman! She doubted that he even knew how to use that clunky thing slung over his shoulder. With a pang she recognized her father's axe. In a fury she burst into appearance and laughed madly, shouting in scorn at the little girl. If those two hadn't been there she would have snatched the shoes back right then, but she would rather play with them first. Anyway, Fiyero was dead. So why not?

Elphaba threw a fire ball at the scarecrow, laughing wildly at the way he danced, but withdrew. The way he shouted for help disturbed her. She laughed more, but it was strained, in an effort to cover up her uneasiness. After all, she was a Wicked Witch, and Wicked Witches don't care about whom they hurt.

Do they?


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Dorothy

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Dorothy is frightened by the Wicked Witch, and goes to the scarecrow for comfort.

She shrieked and wildly tried to help put the scarecrow out. He sat down, blowing on his singed straw body huffily. She curled up next to him, looking into his kindly ridiculous face. "Who is she?" she asked. "Why does she hate me?" She listened to the floppy man explain about the Wicked Witch, but was still confused. He sounded as if he didn't hate her, or wasn't even afraid of her.

Dorothy picked up her yapping little dog and cuddled it. The scarecrow had said he knew her before and that she had changed. She thought about the Wizard and Madame Morrible, then looked back down at her feet. A flash a resilience burned through her and she stood up. That Witch was wicked, and she would do anything to stop her. That is-

as long as she could still get home.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Glinda

She paced in her room, watching the Great Time Dragon in the distance to see what time it was. Blast it if that little girl didn't take her time! She stopped and banged the end of her wand against the ground, enveloping herself in a giant bubble. She flung herself out a window and watched from the air as they ran through a field of poppies towards the emerald city. Typical that she already had three other companions.

Glinda blew air out of the side of her mouth in frustration, then stopped. They were laying down! Why were they laying down? Were they sleeping? Dying?! Glinda streaked back to the castle and threw herself before a sulking Madame Morrible and begged for help. The old woman chuckled and said with a little smile that they would be fine. The snow would wake them up. Glinda thanked her and stood, turning to leave the room and meditate in her own. Madame Morrible stopped her for a moment, asking her why that little girl mattered so much. _Because_, Glinda thought, walking out silently. _Because when I'm thinking about her_-

_I'm not thinking about Elphie_.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: The Scarecrow

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. This is Fiyero in Oz, waiting on the Wizard with the other three.

He walked beside Dorothy, looking at the grand Emerald City. It didn't awe him like it did the others, mainly because he had been here before for a very long time. Longer than he had wanted to stay. He smirked at the posters of Glinda the Good, blowing kisses and waving her wand all over Oz. He was almost disgusted, then he remembered that they were all friends. Galinda- now just Glinda, Elphie- now stubbornly Elphaba and christened Wicked Witch of the West. Then there was himself himself, Fiyero- now just the scarecrow. Hadn't things changed?

Fiyero raised his painted eyes and stopped dead in a street. There was a poster of Elphaba. It was her school picture from Shiz, staring sullenly at the camera. Fiyero smiled. It was after the Galindafication, judging by the wild, flowing hair and pointy hat on her head. She was wearing a touch of make-up too, something Galinda must have insisted upon. He smiled fondly and touched the picture briefly, before ripping it down and stuffing it in between the seams on his chest. If he couldn't have her in person a picture would suffice. Then a crack of thunder made him look up. A flash of green and black caught his eye, making him smile even broader as his Elphaba soared across the sky. Was that having her in person? Well-

it was good enough for him.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Madame Morrible

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Madame Morrible is watching Elphaba leave her smoke note in the sky above Oz.

She watched from her window as Elphaba left her message in the sky and flew off. She knew Elphaba better than that. She was just teasing the Ozians, knowing that they would never surrender Dorothy. What did she want then? She pointed at the sky, causing a strong wind to blow away the smoke.

Madame Morrible, the Wizard's press secretary, watched bitterly. Why was it that girl got all the attention? What in Oz did she want? She turned away from the window, looking at her dark chamber while letting her fingers linger on the windowsill. This little chamber of sorcery, where she could do anything she wanted. Where she had summoned up the twister she had dropped on Nessarose, where she had been attempting to scry Elphaba for ages. Sighing agitatedly, she wished the Wizard would stop messing about with trying to capture her alive. She would do so well as to- well . . . The Madame smirked fiendishly. She would do so well-

as to drop a house on _her_!


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20: The Wizard

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. The Wizard is wondering what is happening to his reign over Oz just as Dorothy and friends leave.

He observed the four traveler from behind his giant head. They were running down the hall to rescue that lion, but one kept glancing back. The scarecrow. He glared at it with the head, even moving one eyebrow up into a quizzical position. He just laughed, letting the halls ring with the merry noise, then went on after his friends. The insolence! He leapt out from behind the giant head with half a mind to chase him down and rip him limb from straw-stuffed limb, but he didn't. He just stood there.

The Wizard let his head drop, and for the hundredth time that week slumped in front of his great head. First it was just Elphaba that rattled him, now it was this scarecrow! Was he becoming a coward, or was Oz just becoming more brave in front of him, to shame him like that! With a shaky hand he pulled out his green bottle and took a long draught. Elphaba, the scarecrow, even that little girl had defied him in her own little ways. Were all of the Ozians growing more bold? Or-

was he just getting more stupid?


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21: Dorothy

Disclaimer: I own this idea, but not any of the characters. Dorothy wonders what the scarecrow's real name is as they head for the Witch's castle.

She stepped out towards the looming castle in the distance. Once again the mysterious scarecrow helped out by saying he knew the way there. He led the way, floppy arms swinging at his sides. She watched him fondly. He had been with her from nearly the beginning, and she was growing incredibly fond of him. She wondered what his name was- if he had a name?

Dorothy skipped up next to him and inquired- what was his name? He stopped and stared strangely at her for a moment, then continued and airily said he didn't have one. He was just- scarecrow. She looked at him, then scooped up Toto in her arms as they passed a sign. It warned them to turn back. She looked at the scarecrow in fear, but was confused by the wrinkle of amusement in his face. Why was he so entertained by the Witch? Were they friends? Related? Maybe- she gulped at the thought.

Maybe she was the one- who had made him.


End file.
